I want to be Jessica Lange when I grow up. A mini American Horror Story recap.

American Horror Story is back! I forced Derek to race home so I could make it in time (we were out having dinner). Derek now thinks I have a problem because I was screaming while gripping the remote "warm up you asshole!" Comcast is a real treat so we can't change any channels on our tv for about 5 minutes when we first turn it on.

So this season we have Kathy Bates as Delphine LaLaurie who was a real person who was really that fucked up and tortured slaves. Kathy Bates is good at playing evil. "I've always liked Greek mythology so I'm going to make you a Minotaur by putting this random bull head I've had lying around on your head." This was after her blood facial. Man I get pissed off to when the blood for my facial is not fresh enough.

Taissa Farmiga is back as well as Evan Peters. Seriously I lost it when they first met at the party and he sees her across the room. And when he peeks through his hand at her!!!

So Zoe's witchy power is that she kills dudes when she has sex with them. It's like Rouge from X-Men but more blood out of every orifice.

Jessica Lange is back and is a Supreme Witch. I seriously hope I look that good when I'm older.

I like Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) already.

"Why don't you just do the world a favor and take an acting class!" STABS HAND.

The date rape scene was pretty rough to watch. Julia Roberts Jr. gets back at them though by flipping their freaking bus!

I can't wait for next week