Monday, June 22, 2015

Save the margaritas!

So I saw Jurassic World yesterday and I have a few questions.


1. Where can I get a pack of raptors to do my bidding? I mean granted it only sort of worked in the movie but it would be really cool if it could work but only if I'm in control. There are too many stupid people in this world so I certainly wouldn't trust them with a pack of raptors. If I can't get a pack of raptors I will settle for a triceratops to ride. At least a dinosaur won't rust like my Nissan.

2. No one can out run a dinosaur in heels. There's a good part of the movie where Bryce Dallas Howard is running around in heels, like literally running. I kept wondering if she was still wearing the heels because they weren't showing her feet and finally we get a foot shot and she's still wearing those God damn heels!

In this scene she is going to out run a dinosaur in nude pumps. Ok sure, totally believable.

I've seen some grumbling online about her character and how it's anti feminist or some crap like that. I don't see it that way for two reasons. One - I know woman who wear heels all the time because they like to. I used to work with a woman who would get cortisone shots in her feet so she could continue wearing her heels. Dumb? Yes, but she can do whatever she wants. Two - she holds her own. She saves Chris Pratt's character's life and helps save the day in the end. Ok I'm throwing a Three in here. Three - She might be wearing heels and a nice suit but she's not written as a ditzy character. She is a workaholic running a gigantic theme park. Sure she makes some dumb decisions (like a genetically modified new attraction) but she realizes the error of he ways pretty quickly. I'm sure someone will steamroll me in the comments for this but I don't really care. Of course Ellie from the original movie is the best, no one can top her.

3. Kids get jeep from 1992 to start with just a new battery. Oh come on people! You really think that a jeep that's been sitting in a muggy gross jungle is going to magically start working just by putting in a new battery?!

4. Who is responsible for the scene where the guy saves his margaritas before running from dinosaurs? That was probably my favorite part of the whole movie and I would like to thank you. *EDITED TO SAY* It's Jimmy Buffett!! He had a cameo.

5. Where is Dr. Malcolm? Can we get Jeff Goldblum back in another Jurassic Park movie? I don't care how or why you do it, that's why you're the writers and I'm the viewer who thinks they know what's best for the franchise. Just figure it out please and thank you.

I guess I should mention that I did enjoy Jurassic World and you should probably go see it, or don't and just share this blog post with everyone you know. The choice is up to you.


  1. Look, those drinks were probably $20 each! Bet your ass I'm going to save mine! LOL

  2. If anyone's going to save margaritas, it would be Jimmy Buffet!
    I haven't seen the movie yet (thanks for the mild spoilers...), but definitely want to see this one before it leaves the big screen.

    1. We saw it in IMAX and I think that's best way to see a Jurassic Park movie