Monday, November 3, 2014

Do you give your passwords to your significant other?

I saw a debate emerge on facebook regarding relationship advice. The person who started the debate is somewhat well known. I won't say who they are because that doesn't matter. What they said is that in order to regain trust after someone has cheated they should be 100% transparent and give the other person their passwords to everything. They also said that in every relationship they offer their significant other their passwords to show that they have nothing to hide.

I do not agree with this and so I am taking to my blog to share my opinion and thoughts. 

I think there's a difference between demanding someone's passwords to "rebuild trust" and not hiding anything. For example - Derek does not know my password to my email or my facebook but I don't log out of it on my computer or phone. If he wanted to he could bring up my gmail or facebook and I don't care. I trust that he wouldn't snoop but I also don't have anything to hide. He also knows the password to my phone but that's because sometimes I need him to access something on my phone when I'm driving etc. I didn't demand that we exchange passwords. I don't know his email password and I don't care. That's because I trust him.

My other problem is if you're significant other cheated and you demand all of their passwords do you alert friends and family to this? What if a friend reaches out via email or text with something very personal that they don't want anyone else to know? If you're checking their emails and texts you could come across something that someone thought would be private.

And how far do you go? What about work email? Do you demand that password too? Work emails could be considered confidential. Where is the line?

I think every relationship needs some privacy. I think it's fine if you both have access to each other's emails or phones but demanding someone's password as a way to prove trustworthiness after that trust was violated, well that's like my cat not scratching on something because I'm standing there. He knows he shouldn't and because I'm watching he won't but the second I turn my back he'll start scratching. How long do you want to be standing there?

So do you exchange passwords with your significant other?

11 comments:

  1. Wow. Honestly, if you don't trust your significant other enough to give them privacy in their email, why wouldn't you just break up? It makes no sense to me.

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    1. I agree. If there is no trust at all how can you have a relationship

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    2. I agree with Katie. If there is no trust, break up. Simple. Demanding passwords is nonsense.

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  2. I'd give my friends my password I think before a SO but I'm also single and never really had this be an issue. Plus, my reason is morbid. If something happened to me, I'd want someone to let my friends online know, and that person would probably be a friend vs a family member.

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    1. That's a good reason though not because you need to babysit someone so they can prove something to you.

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  3. I agree. If you feel a need to snoop, then the relationship's not good anyway. I have nothing to hide, but my husband doesn't "demand" to have my passwords to stuff, and I don't know his passwords. If we need to know for some reason, we'd just ask. We've been together since before passwords :)

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    1. That last sentence put a smile on my face :)

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  4. The only passwords I gave to my husband were my bank and online bill pay passwords when I was overseas for six weeks. Made sense. Other than that, I would feel like I was being really distrustful and snoop-y if I had his email and iphone passwords.

    One of my girlfriends (who is twice divorced at 32) would demand her exes email passwords and she even installed an app on her new ex-husband's phone (without him knowing it) so that she could read all of his texts from her phone. She was doing some crazy stuff.

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    1. See that's what I don't like, the demanding of the passwords. It just seems wrong.

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  5. 1) My definition of "trust" means that you should NOT need your significant other's passwords.
    2) If someone really wants to, they can always set up another anonymous e-mail account. It's not that difficult.

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  6. I agree with you. It's ridiculous to demand that.

    A relationship should be built on trust more than anything else... and if you are demanding passwords to snoop on your SO, then there's obvious some deeply rooted trust issues that obsessive snooping aren't going to fix.

    If you're dating someone and you're comfortable exchanging passwords or you need their password for some circumstance then that is one thing... but demanding their password to keep them from cheating or doing anything you disapprove of is another.

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