Sunday, February 8, 2015

It's hard work being the princess of the bar

Golden Temple is my favorite place to have my birthday party. If you know me at all you know I love Chinese food. I could probably live off egg rolls - good egg rolls though, not those disgusting ones you find at a Chinese buffet in Orlando Florida that gives your food poisoning, and hell to the NO on some gluten free or vegan egg rolls. Give me all your gluten and pork please. My poor brother can not find good Chinese food in Florida. I feel your pain bro, well I would if I didn't live in the land of delicious Chinese food. Golden Temple is like eating on a space ship. The USS Fried Wanton. Mmmmmmm. I like some ambiance when I'm stuffing my face. After I eat all the things I'm going to dance my ass off. This is when I get to enjoy some grade A hot mess people watching.

You've got two groups here - the drunk college students and the drunk middle-aged folk. Ok and then me and my friends (also drunk). There's a lot of awkward white people dancing happening and that is my people watching jam. The college students are swapping their germs in scorpion bowls and grinding against each other and the middle-agers are drinking their wine and martinis while doing some weird shuffling spins. At what age do you stop grinding on your date on the dance floor and start trying to spin them like your on Dancing With the Stars?

The DJ is an old white dude and his song choices range from the Jackson 5 to any song you would have heard at a club circa the early 2000s. I once went up and asked him to play a current popular song and he was like "yea I don't have that CD yet." Have we time traveled back to 1999? Get itunes like every other shitty DJ. I guess I can't complain because there's no cover at GT and he does have a lot of Britney. At least I know what to expect from him.

Now before you think that I'm hatin on the wine swilling 45 year olds, I'm not. I can't because that will probably be me someday. When I was a kid and I would go to the dance at the campground I was so embarrassed by the drunk adults. I'm trying to pick up some 13 year old sk8ter bois and you're totally ruining my tween game mom! I remember my uncle said to me "one day you'll be the drunk adult at the campground dance" and my uncle was totally right. I do have one advantage in that I can actually dance and you don't just suddenly lose that skill. When you grow up around a lot of Latinos you pick up a hip swivel or two. Because I know I'm a good dancer I like to go all out, which I'm sure would probably be terrifying to the 21 year olds when I'm 45.

My friends really went all out with the birthday gifts. My cousin got me a blow up crown which I wore all night. People kept saying "after you princess" and asking if they could touch the crown. It's hard work being the princess of the bar. I think I could get used to the royal treatment and should probably wear a crown more often.

There was one young dude that kept insisting I was 23. I told him I was 31 but he was having none of that. If he saw me on the dance floor he'd run over to me and yell "TWENTY THREEEEE" and then run off.

Derek missed out because he has the swine flu or something. We're like some weird celibate couple kissing each other on the cheek so I don't get sick.

So birthday celebrated, princess achievement unlocked, good times had by all but especially by this faux 23 year old.


  1. I want, no need, that blow up crown!

    1. I love it! It's child sized but somehow fits my head

  2. Sounds fantastic. I don't think people ever get too old to make fools of themselves on the dance floor, and that is as it should be. I hope to be making a joyful ass of myself in my 80s, if all goes well. :-)