Monday, August 22, 2016

Give me your sympathy internets. I'm hungry and NO ONE is getting croissants.

As most of you know my job is basically a glorified secretary. I say glorified because I imagine myself as Joan from Mad Men but with much much smaller boobs and no gold pen necklace! Seriously, it was my ten year anniversary this July and I still haven't been made a partner like Joan and no gold pen necklace. I do paralegal work but I also get coffee and get screamed at on the phone.

Sometimes I cover the front desk for the receptionist and I greet clients and attorneys and I'm always polite and ask them if they want something to drink. ALWAYS. I've been doing this for a long time. So you know what drives me crazy? When I ask someone if they want a drink and they say no but then when the attorney comes out and asks they're suddenly like "oh my God thank you! Yes! I've been dying of thirst and I've been desperate for water but this one over here was like save some water for the whales!"

The best is when I offer something to drink and they're like "oh yes, I'll take some coffee and a croissant." A croissant? REALLY?! How about these lovely Lifesaver mints and Werther's Originals, the finest in grandma candy. Who assumes we have croissants?

I really shouldn't be talking about croissants and candy because I'm really hungry right now. I'm trying to drop ten to fifteen a few pounds so I can look fabulous in a wedding dress. I know I need to start now because I've been trying to lose this weight for about four years because it's much easier to eat some french fries and say "I'll start tomorrow". Suddenly tomorrow is here and I'm like "BUT I'M NOT DONE WITH FRIED FOODS YET!" Also beer. Beer is delicious. I don't even drink juice or soda and I don't eat chocolate! Where is my flat stomach?

I just turned to Derek with my best poor me face and told him about my suffering. Big mistake. I'm pretty sure Derek could go days without food. Give him some coffee and Red Bull and he could probably outlast Gandhi. So I'm turning to you my loyal blog readers to take pity on me because it isn't coming from Derek.

* Don't worry I'm not starving myself, even though it feels like it!!!


  1. Happy 10-year anniversary! And I never assume a legal office has croissants, but I'll be sure to ask for one next time.

  2. Yep, that sounds annoying. The water thing AND the dieting thing. I have been on my annual summer diet (seems to be required since I turned 40 and discovered I was growing a pot belly) and the struggle is real! I hate being hungry. It's no fun at all.