So I was watching an episode of Nurse Jackie (which is a really good show by the way) and one of the characters lost his son to a drug overdose and at one point he says "The most painful part is when you realize the first thing you feel is relief".
I pretty much lost it. That sentence pretty much encompasses how I felt when my father died. He was an alcoholic and at that point he was mostly homeless. At 16 years old I was constantly worried about if he was ok. If it was winter, did he have a warm place to sleep? Even if it wasn't cold out, was he safe, did he have food to eat? He would never admit he had a problem. I even ran into him when I was volunteering at the hospital and he was checked into rehab. He pretended he didn't recognize me because he was too embarrassed. One time I saw him asleep on a bench outside the supermarket I worked at but I didn't go up to him because I knew he would be embarrassed and ashamed. I had to pretend like I didn't know him. None of my coworkers ever knew.
He was still in my life. He kept regular visits with my brother and I. He always showed up and I am grateful for that. He cared despite his addition. He would never drink when he was coming to see us which meant he was very shaky and had a tough time but he didn't want to be drunk when with his kids. He called us all the time and never forgot a birthday. It's strange to say but I had the best alcoholic father you could ask for. Never violent and very caring, he just couldn't stop drinking.
My father passed when I was 16. He died in his sleep in a graveyard and was found by a jogger in the morning. When my mother told me I cried of course but I felt guilty for the fact that my first thought was I don't have to worry anymore, he's at peace now. For years I felt horrible that that was my first thought, but as an adult I realize this is not uncommon. You're under so much stress and have so much anxiety because you care about this person and worry about them 24/7 and when they are actually gone you don't have to worry anymore. It might be hard to understand if you haven't experienced it but it's nice to see a fictional tv show actually get it right.
Well I think I might have over shared here but I felt the need to get it out.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Your daily dose of public transit wackiness
I suppose the most exciting part of my day was when a woman jumped in front of my bus because the bus driver wouldn't stop to let her on. No one gets off at this stop because it's the first stop right outside the bus station. She started banging on the front of the bus demanding that the bus driver let her on. The bus driver kept yelling that the bus was full and there was another bus right behind him. He actually wasn't lying about that. I saw the other bus pull in when we left the station. This woman was having none of it. She was going to stand in the road in front of the bus until the driver let her on.
Some of the people on the bus were telling the bus driver we could try to make room and to let her on. I was of the mindset of no way in hell, she's crazy and I'd rather not ride the bus with her. Eventually the bus driver let her on and I gave her my best stink eye. Thank you for holding up the whole bus during rush hour!
I feel like I got quite a bit done today. I was very productive at work, I fit in some walking, I ran an errand, I made beef and broccoli for dinner that actually came out good AND I did almost an hours worth of cleaning.
I'm trying this new thing where I get off my ass more, even if it's just cleaning. I could stand to be neater. My co-workers make me feel like I'm just wallowing around in filth. Lilly mops all of her floors every day! Each time someone uses the toilet they have to clean it with bleach. She is always cleaning. I'd rather watch Netflix than mop my floors. I'm hoping the more I do it the more it just becomes a habit, although I don't think I will ever wash my floors every day.
Well I'm calling it a night. Time to do more dishes. I do them the old school way, by hand.
Some of the people on the bus were telling the bus driver we could try to make room and to let her on. I was of the mindset of no way in hell, she's crazy and I'd rather not ride the bus with her. Eventually the bus driver let her on and I gave her my best stink eye. Thank you for holding up the whole bus during rush hour!
I feel like I got quite a bit done today. I was very productive at work, I fit in some walking, I ran an errand, I made beef and broccoli for dinner that actually came out good AND I did almost an hours worth of cleaning.
I'm trying this new thing where I get off my ass more, even if it's just cleaning. I could stand to be neater. My co-workers make me feel like I'm just wallowing around in filth. Lilly mops all of her floors every day! Each time someone uses the toilet they have to clean it with bleach. She is always cleaning. I'd rather watch Netflix than mop my floors. I'm hoping the more I do it the more it just becomes a habit, although I don't think I will ever wash my floors every day.
Well I'm calling it a night. Time to do more dishes. I do them the old school way, by hand.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Save your change and Anime Boston
Does anyone else like finding change? I went to do laundry this afternoon and found a penny in the bottom of the washing machine. Since these are shared machines I usually find some change when I go to do laundry. I put it in my pocket and then put it in my change jar.
I remember listening to a local radio show a while back and one of the hosts of the morning show said he threw his change in the trash! He didn't like carrying it around. I couldn't believe it! Just put it in a change jar and bring it to coinstar or your bank. Why throw money away? Right now I'm saving up for a wedding so every penny counts.
Finding a penny was not the highlight of my weekend though. That would be Anime Boston. I don't actually attend but it's a convention held near my work so I like walking around and checking out all the costumes. My work holds a contest every year to see who can get the best photo. There are actually prizes (provided by my boss). My friend Ashley actually attends so I got to see her after work on Friday and catch up.
Now I have to decide which photos to enter into the contest at work.
I remember listening to a local radio show a while back and one of the hosts of the morning show said he threw his change in the trash! He didn't like carrying it around. I couldn't believe it! Just put it in a change jar and bring it to coinstar or your bank. Why throw money away? Right now I'm saving up for a wedding so every penny counts.
Finding a penny was not the highlight of my weekend though. That would be Anime Boston. I don't actually attend but it's a convention held near my work so I like walking around and checking out all the costumes. My work holds a contest every year to see who can get the best photo. There are actually prizes (provided by my boss). My friend Ashley actually attends so I got to see her after work on Friday and catch up.
Here's Ashley, being Ashley.
And me if I had white hair. Not bad!
Monday, March 21, 2016
How to dress for weather. Simple and easy tips you can follow so I don't have nightmares about your toe socks and sandals.
Hello and welcome to SPRING. Here's a cold and some snow for you ENJOY.
That pretty much sums up my weekend.
People really just don't know how to dress themselves for weather. Let me tell you what I saw on the T this morning.
Person #1 I'm calling hippie Jesus. Hippie Jesus had longish hair and ripped jeans (naturally ripped from being old, not bought like that, trust me I can tell) and socks with sandals. It's snowing with two inches of snow on the ground and this guy is wearing socks and open toed sandals. My OCD was going off the charts. He had snow all over his feet and I could not stop looking! WTF dude. That can't be warm! They were the toe socks too and multicolored like this.
Maybe hippie Jesus just really wanted to show off his socks or maybe he inspired that Sarah McLachlan song Building a Mystery because who the hell wears sandals in the snow? I think this will haunt me for a long long time. Wet socks and snow = pure horror for me.
Person #2 I'm calling Bridget Jones. Bridget came barreling down the sidewalk outside of the T stop with arms flailing and she was wearing a skirt with no tights. He legs were so cold they were bright red. At least she was wearing snow boots unlike person #1 and #3.
Person #3 I will call Posh Spice because she was wearing stilettos in the snow. Girl put them in your bag and wear some boots like a normal person. I promise you can change into your heels of death and pain when you make it safely to your office.
Maybe I should create a seminar called "HOW TO PROPERLY DRESS YOURSELF ACCORDING TO THE WEATHER."
No sandals in the snow.
No bare legs in the snow.
No stilettos in the snow
Wear boots.
Damn I just gave away my whole seminar for free.
That pretty much sums up my weekend.
People really just don't know how to dress themselves for weather. Let me tell you what I saw on the T this morning.
Person #1 I'm calling hippie Jesus. Hippie Jesus had longish hair and ripped jeans (naturally ripped from being old, not bought like that, trust me I can tell) and socks with sandals. It's snowing with two inches of snow on the ground and this guy is wearing socks and open toed sandals. My OCD was going off the charts. He had snow all over his feet and I could not stop looking! WTF dude. That can't be warm! They were the toe socks too and multicolored like this.
Person #2 I'm calling Bridget Jones. Bridget came barreling down the sidewalk outside of the T stop with arms flailing and she was wearing a skirt with no tights. He legs were so cold they were bright red. At least she was wearing snow boots unlike person #1 and #3.
Person #3 I will call Posh Spice because she was wearing stilettos in the snow. Girl put them in your bag and wear some boots like a normal person. I promise you can change into your heels of death and pain when you make it safely to your office.
Maybe I should create a seminar called "HOW TO PROPERLY DRESS YOURSELF ACCORDING TO THE WEATHER."
No sandals in the snow.
No bare legs in the snow.
No stilettos in the snow
Wear boots.
Damn I just gave away my whole seminar for free.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
How can we keep Boston's young men safe?
You might not have heard about this if you don't live in Boston, but over the past couple of years there have been quite a few young men who have gone missing and end up being found dead in the water. In most of the incidents the young man is in his early 20s, in college and out for a night of fun with friends and then he's gone.
There's a blog post here that goes into detail. I have taken this list from that blog.
John Daverio (49) 3/2003
Dustin Willis (26) 3/2007
William Hurley (24) 10/2009
Eugene Losik (26) 2/2010
David Mark (24) 2/2011
Franco Garcia (21) 2/2012
Jonathan Dailey (23) 10/2012
Eric Munsell (24) 2/2014
Josue Quispe (18) 10/2015
Dennis Njoroge (21) 11/2015
Zachary Marr (22) 2/2016
This is just the Boston area but there have been other men that have turned up dead in the water in maine and New Hampshire as well.
Unfortunately the most recent name on the list, Zachary Marr, was found in the Charles River Tuesday evening.
In many of these cases something feels off. Many of the man were not considered to be drunk enough to cause concern by friends. They often wander off for no reason often leaving behind personal items like their coat or wallet and keys. Someone is going to be there to pick them up or leave with them and they just wander off. It makes me wonder if maybe someone is drugging drinks which could explain the odd behavior of going outside with out a coat (starting to feel hot) and then wandering off and falling in the water. It could explain why they are coherent enough to text and/or talk on the phone but then while waiting the drug starts taking effect while waiting. Maybe this person drugs them and follows them outside and suggests they walk towards the water font? It might seem far fetched but we should consider it.
What can we do about this?
I think we all need to keep an eye out for anyone who looks intoxicated walking near the water. If you're out drinking with friends, try to keep an eye on each other. Don't let your friend go outside without a coat in the winter, even just for a smoke break. Hypothermia can set in quicker than you'd think. Combine that with drinking and your judgment can be very impaired. We can all be a little more vigilant.
Watch your drink! Don't leave it unattended. Better to be safe than sorry.
I think there are few things the city can do as well. There should be more lighting and cameras by the water and perhaps consider some better barriers. Maybe put an extra cop on patrol on the waterfront near Long Wharf on Friday and Saturday night.
I hope the city takes some measures to try to prevent another tragedy and we can all do our part by keeping a closer eye out.
There's a blog post here that goes into detail. I have taken this list from that blog.
John Daverio (49) 3/2003
Dustin Willis (26) 3/2007
William Hurley (24) 10/2009
Eugene Losik (26) 2/2010
David Mark (24) 2/2011
Franco Garcia (21) 2/2012
Jonathan Dailey (23) 10/2012
Eric Munsell (24) 2/2014
Josue Quispe (18) 10/2015
Dennis Njoroge (21) 11/2015
Zachary Marr (22) 2/2016
This is just the Boston area but there have been other men that have turned up dead in the water in maine and New Hampshire as well.
Unfortunately the most recent name on the list, Zachary Marr, was found in the Charles River Tuesday evening.
In many of these cases something feels off. Many of the man were not considered to be drunk enough to cause concern by friends. They often wander off for no reason often leaving behind personal items like their coat or wallet and keys. Someone is going to be there to pick them up or leave with them and they just wander off. It makes me wonder if maybe someone is drugging drinks which could explain the odd behavior of going outside with out a coat (starting to feel hot) and then wandering off and falling in the water. It could explain why they are coherent enough to text and/or talk on the phone but then while waiting the drug starts taking effect while waiting. Maybe this person drugs them and follows them outside and suggests they walk towards the water font? It might seem far fetched but we should consider it.
What can we do about this?
I think we all need to keep an eye out for anyone who looks intoxicated walking near the water. If you're out drinking with friends, try to keep an eye on each other. Don't let your friend go outside without a coat in the winter, even just for a smoke break. Hypothermia can set in quicker than you'd think. Combine that with drinking and your judgment can be very impaired. We can all be a little more vigilant.
Watch your drink! Don't leave it unattended. Better to be safe than sorry.
I think there are few things the city can do as well. There should be more lighting and cameras by the water and perhaps consider some better barriers. Maybe put an extra cop on patrol on the waterfront near Long Wharf on Friday and Saturday night.
I hope the city takes some measures to try to prevent another tragedy and we can all do our part by keeping a closer eye out.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Think of me fondly or painfully
This post is going to be a random mish mash of thoughts. A hodge podge if you will.
I love that people think of me when they get heartburn. It goes something like this "oh, man I have heartburn. I feel like Ginny right now. How do you do this all the time?"
What's that Fallout Boy lyric? I don't care what you think as long as it's about me. Yes I just used a Fallout Boy lyric in a blogpost.
Have you ever had heartburn so bad that you vomit? I have. It's a blast. The pain just gets to be too much and your body is like NOPE. Get everything out! Then you go to the hospital and they put you on a morphine drip because nothing is working, but the morphine makes you nauseous and you wonder how anyone could be addicted to morphine because you feel like you're going to vomit up a years worth of food. Then they add an anti nausea medication to your IV and finally after hours in the emergency you're heartburn free. It will only cost you hundreds of dollars with insurance.
For the record my heartburn is fairly under control right now but please proceed to think of me when your esophagus is burning.
Today it's going to hit 70 degrees in Boston. I love New England weather. Being a New Englander I have many coats. You can't just have one because the temperature like to swing wildly around here.
This morning I put on my light jacket, which was still a bit too warm, but I don't have a lighter light jacket except for my raincoat, which my mother got at an estate sale so it probably belongs to some old lady that died. It's a good raincoat though, LL Bean. So I wore the light jacket that's a bit too warm and will have to carry it home later because I am not wearing that outside when it's 70 degrees.
I'm expecting to see lots of Uggs with skimpy shorts/skirts and tank tops today. It's pretty hilarious what people wear at the first hint of spring. God I hate Uggs. I know they're supposed to be comfy but they make your feet look huge. I already wear a size 9, I don't need to make my feet look any bigger.
I love that people think of me when they get heartburn. It goes something like this "oh, man I have heartburn. I feel like Ginny right now. How do you do this all the time?"
What's that Fallout Boy lyric? I don't care what you think as long as it's about me. Yes I just used a Fallout Boy lyric in a blogpost.
Have you ever had heartburn so bad that you vomit? I have. It's a blast. The pain just gets to be too much and your body is like NOPE. Get everything out! Then you go to the hospital and they put you on a morphine drip because nothing is working, but the morphine makes you nauseous and you wonder how anyone could be addicted to morphine because you feel like you're going to vomit up a years worth of food. Then they add an anti nausea medication to your IV and finally after hours in the emergency you're heartburn free. It will only cost you hundreds of dollars with insurance.
For the record my heartburn is fairly under control right now but please proceed to think of me when your esophagus is burning.
Today it's going to hit 70 degrees in Boston. I love New England weather. Being a New Englander I have many coats. You can't just have one because the temperature like to swing wildly around here.
This morning I put on my light jacket, which was still a bit too warm, but I don't have a lighter light jacket except for my raincoat, which my mother got at an estate sale so it probably belongs to some old lady that died. It's a good raincoat though, LL Bean. So I wore the light jacket that's a bit too warm and will have to carry it home later because I am not wearing that outside when it's 70 degrees.
I'm expecting to see lots of Uggs with skimpy shorts/skirts and tank tops today. It's pretty hilarious what people wear at the first hint of spring. God I hate Uggs. I know they're supposed to be comfy but they make your feet look huge. I already wear a size 9, I don't need to make my feet look any bigger.
Every time you wear Uggs with shorts a white girl's phone dies.
I'm going to a cookout later. A cookout in March in New England. I will be wearing proper attire meaning no Uggs and pants with some stretch.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Afternoon tea at Fancy That
I had a lovely afternoon with my mother today at Fancy That in Walpole. It was my first time having proper tea and my first time trying clotted cream. How have I gone 32 years without trying clotted cream? It is delicious.
The owners, Sarah and Brad, were very attentive and friendly.
I need some cute china in my life. If only I didn't live with a destruct-o cat.
The owners, Sarah and Brad, were very attentive and friendly.
Just look at this food.
And this teapot!
I need some cute china in my life. If only I didn't live with a destruct-o cat.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
I'm banning myself from political talk on Facebook
I'm on Facebook quite a bit. It's my natural reaction now when I'm bored to check Facebook and see what's going on. Lately though, Facebook is stressing me out. It's a non-stop barrage of politics and 2016 election talk. I've been commenting, sharing and liking and found myself just getting more agitated and anxious. I'm tired of seeing Donald Trumps face all over my news feed.
So I'm banning myself from commenting on political talk on Facebook for a while. It's going to be tough because I'm pretty opinionated but there's no need for this added stress. If you post a good cat video though, I will definitely comment on that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)