The most painful part

So I was watching an episode of Nurse Jackie (which is a really good show by the way) and one of the characters lost his son to a drug overdose and at one point he says "The most painful part is when you realize the first thing you feel is relief".

I pretty much lost it. That sentence pretty much encompasses how I felt when my father died. He was an alcoholic and at that point he was mostly homeless. At 16 years old I was constantly worried about if he was ok. If it was winter, did he have a warm place to sleep? Even if it wasn't cold out, was he safe, did he have food to eat? He would never admit he had a problem. I even ran into him when I was volunteering at the hospital and he was checked into rehab. He pretended he didn't recognize me because he was too embarrassed. One time I saw him asleep on a bench outside the supermarket I worked at but I didn't go up to him because I knew he would be embarrassed and ashamed. I had to pretend like I didn't know him. None of my coworkers ever knew.

He was still in my life. He kept regular visits with my brother and I. He always showed up and I am grateful for that. He cared despite his addition. He would never drink when he was coming to see us which meant he was very shaky and had a tough time but he didn't want to be drunk when with his kids. He called us all the time and never forgot a birthday. It's strange to say but I had the best alcoholic father you could ask for. Never violent and very caring, he just couldn't stop drinking.

My father passed when I was 16. He died in his sleep in a graveyard and was found by a jogger in the morning. When my mother told me I cried of course but I felt guilty for the fact that my first thought was I don't have to worry anymore, he's at peace now. For years I felt horrible that that was my first thought, but as an adult I realize this is not uncommon. You're under so much stress and have so much anxiety because you care about this person and worry about them 24/7 and when they are actually gone you don't have to worry anymore. It might be hard to understand if you haven't experienced it but it's nice to see a fictional tv show actually get it right.

Well I think I might have over shared here but I felt the need to get it out.

Is pottery dead?

Remember when everyone did pottery? For Christmas you'd get some glazed mug or ashtray that Aunt Judy made. I'm pretty sure it was a thing at one point. The peak of the everyone make their own crappy pottery movement was probably when Demi Moore made ghost pottery with Patrick Swayze. That was a shining moment for pottery. Who knew making pottery could be so sexy?

I suspect the hipsters will bring pottery back once they get tired of knitting.

If I could have dinner with any celebrity it would be Pitbull

Tonight I visited my mother for dinner and on my 40 minute drive home I started thinking about life's real tough questions such as if I could have dinner with any celebrity who would it be? The answer was pretty obvious to me. I would have dinner with Pitbull.

You're probably wondering why would you pick a mediocre singer that no one will remember in ten years so let me tell you why.

First of all if I'm having dinner with a celebrity I want an epic adventure. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you want someone who's going to go all out. I imagine Pitbull would pull up in a stretch Hummer limo in his Pitbull suit and sunglasses. I'd bring some friends with me because Pitbull doesn't care. The party would get started in the limo. We're not just drinking anything, oh no we're going to have Cristal. I roll down the tinted window and attempt to do the Pitbull yell.

We pull up to the restaurant and Pitbull has rented out the whole thing. There's music and dancing and fire dancers while we eat our delicious five course meal. When we're done eating the whole place turns into a giant dance party and Pitbull decides this is going to be his next music video. Pitbull is so impressed with my dancing he calls me a little fireball. I wake up the next morning at home trying to remember what the heck happened. Damn you Cristal!

If you're going to ponder these questions you might as well go all out.

I don't need your "for her" prdocuts I need products that work

Jezebel has an article about how women's razors are a total racket and they absolutely are. The article got me thinking about products marketed towards women and how they stand up to the men's version.

First of all I don't need a pink razor with sparkles. I need a razor that works and the fact is that men's razors work better. Don't our legs deserve a close shave? Do I need to smell like a vanilla ocean breeze after shaving? No one is sniffing my legs (that I'm aware of).

Let's move onto deodorant. Men's deodorant works better than women's. Are our armpits too delicate for stronger deodorant? I don't normally wear men's deodorant because I can't be distracting myself smelling like a sexy dude. It does works better though.

Bic decided that women needed their own pens.

Thank God because I was sick and tired of those manly pens that my delicate lady fingers could barely hold. If only the ink was in glitter I'd be truly happy with my lady pen.

Now since I haven't tried a "for her" pen I can't say if they are better or worse than old fashioned manly pens.

All I want is a basic product that works and doesn't smell like a Yankee Candle store explosion. Is that too much to ask? If you're going to make a "pretty" pink razor then at least make sure it works as well as the men's version.

A Christopher Nolan Sci-Fi movie? Yes please. Interstellar movie trailer.

I am a huge sci-fi fan. I am also a huge Christopher Nolan fan. The trailer for Interstellar doesn't reveal too much about the movie and I kind of like that. The trailer for Inception was similar in that sense.

If you read this interview with Christoper Nolan he talks about using real locations rather than CG.

Meanwhile, Viggo Mortensen throws some shade towards Peter Jackson for using CG too much. I kind of agree with him. Someone remind me why the Lovely Bones needed CG again?

Now for some random thoughts:

I need to go to the laundromat to wash sleeping bags for camping next weekend but I'm being extremely lazy. Someone motivate me otherwise I'm going to sit on my ass all day watching Bar Rescue.

For some reason there is a street sweeper going up and down my street every couple of minutes. I think he's on trip #4 by now.

There have been so many college graduations happening around Boston and I am thrilled because that means I'll get a few months peace from the drunk college parade. Let's celebrate! (like responsible adults)

Everyone has something they're good at

Sometimes I say to myself “Ginny you have no skills. You can’t play a musical instrument or speak a second language – what are you good at?” I try to argue that napping is a skill but even I’m not fooling myself with that one.

I realized today that I do have a skill! It may not be very impressive but it’s useful and comes naturally. I was speaking on the phone to a potential new client and at the end of the conversation he said “you know, I really want to thank you because you’ve been very nice and understanding and I feel better after speaking with you.” I thanked him and told him that I was glad I could help.

This is not the first time a client has said this about me. I’ve been told that I’m easy to talk to and sometimes when you’re going through a divorce you just need someone who’s on your side. Granted I get paid to be on their side but there are plenty of people who get paid and still have a nasty attitude when dealing with clients or customers.

So I’m putting people skills in the things I’m good at column, right below napping (because I really am an excellent napper). It may not be as impressive as playing the piano but it’s something I’m good at.

Who knows, I may need George Washington teeth.

I finally made an appointment with a dentist for a checkup and cleaning. I haven't been to the dentist in probably about 3 or 4 years (oops). I'm hoping everything is ok and I just need a good old cleaning but who knows? I grind my teeth so my back teeth might not be doing so great. Let's hope wooden dentures are not in my future.

Ok, I know Washington did not have wooden dentures but dead lord the ones he did have look so uncomfortable I would have been like screw it, all of our teeth suck this is the 1700s here are my gums!

We are ghosts yelling

Remember all those basic life skills we learned in kindergarten; be nice to others, share, don't eat the glue? I think congress needs to retake kindergarten. They're acting lunch a bunch of spoiled little brats stomping their feet until they get their way. They don't care about us. They don't care how angry the American public right now, they're still getting their large paychecks and their premium health care. The whole situation is just so frustrating.

So I'm home now and I'm watching this movie called The Presence and I've never heard of it but it's actually pretty good. I completely missed the beginning and so I'm a bit confused on what's going on but there's a lot of ghosts trying to yell and that's kind of how I feel right now. We are ghosts yelling.

Someone tell me to go back to bed

I can't sleep.

Well this is very annoying. That's what I get for being lazy and taking a late afternoon nap. Let's just say it was an extended siesta. This is what I did for Cinco De Mayo. I think it's an upgrade from last years coming down with shingles Cinco De Mayo.

I'm not looking at backpacks online because I realize I don't have a backpack anymore and feel like I will need one in the future.

Random thoughts and "not dressed girl"

I have a few thoughts floating around in my head so I thought I would share them here rather than flood twitter.

+ What on earth is happening to Amanda Bynes. She's piercing her face now? She doesn't even look like herself.

+ Corey Feldman is actually 5'9". I  thought he was really short for some reason. I love Lost Boys Corey Feldman and I think the reality show with the two Corey's was one of the best shows on television.

+ I actually liked the third book in a series better than the first two books. How often does that happen? Not often. I plan on writing a post about the book at some point.

+ I read a horoscope that says an Aquarius sometimes loves their pets more than people. I'd say that's pretty accurate. Unless they are waking me up, then it is very much not accurate.

+ I'm done with Winter DONE. It's technically spring but it's snowing. I have so many dresses I want to wear.

+ When you haven't even made it into the office for your interview and your nickname is "not dressed girl" that does not bode well (this is not referring to myself. I am very much dressed and not leaving my job)

Well there's my brain dump. Happy Thursday and I hope it's not snowing where you are.

Yes I will have my cake

I think I will fortune cookie. Thank you for the pep talk. Am I the only one noticing the bad grammar? Probably not.

I've been trying to set up my wireless internet and it's not working, I am getting closer though. This time I actually got to the set up wizard and then everything froze. Fun times. I will wait to try again because I would like to not feel the urge to bash my head against the table.

My mom is currently napping on my bed which is what I wish I was doing but the cats are also spread out so there is no room for me, and so you get a blog post.

My bed belongs to the cats and they just let me sleep on it. How nice of them. Oh yes, please use my pillows too.

Tomorrow is St. Paddy's day. I wasn't planning on going out but now I am. Nothing crazy (I say that now). We're just going to my second home in Washington Square. Last night at the Tavern I asked Connor if he was working on St. Paddy's day. He looked at me and said, "nah, I'm not Irish". Connor has the thickest Irish accent.

My mom is awake. Time to take my bed back.

Craving that green

Is it weird that I crave salad? Some days I just eat too much bread and cheese and salt and I just need something leafy and green. I got home from work cold and wet and made myself a big old salad. Don't worry, I still love carbs and cheese but sometimes we need a little break.

Thank you Bret Michaels for Rock of Love

I like Bret Michaels. Not in a romantic way, he's too old and refuses to take off that bandana, but in a he just seems like a nice guy way.

Bret got eliminated from the Apprentice last night. Don't ask me why I was watching this, I'm not sure. I don't have cable and it was on ok?!

I felt bad for Bret. He was totally thrown under the bus. Then I remembered that he probably has a ton of money unless he spends it all on fake hair and bandanas.

But still, I like the guy. I mean he gave the world Rock of Love.

Does he have his own bandana line because he really should get on that.

SunnyD or Sunny Death

You know what I really want right now this very moment? Sunny Delight. That delicious fake orange juice is calling my name. Alas I cannot partake unless I want to feel like I'm dying. I'm pretty sure breathing gives me heartburn.

So please go out and enjoy it for me. Don't get real orange juice. It's just not the same.

And especially do not get the orange juice with pulp. That is just gross and something I can't wrap my head around. Who wants stringy stuff in their drink?

Pulp free for lyf.

I miss you SunnyD

Worrying about pointless things is my forté

Last night I gave two homeless men outside of a convenience store $3.00. It was all the cash I had left in my wallet. They seemed like they were friendly with each other. I gave the money to one of the men and told them to share it. They both said thank you and I continued on my way home.

But what if they weren't cool with each other? What if they fought over those three dollars? I could have just started a war here!

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.