Back to Waltham

We had a busy day yesterday that included a trip back to my home town of Waltham. I picked up Bosco's ashes at the vet. They also include a paw print in cement with his name on it. It's a nice keepsake. I did get teary unpacking the urn and the paw print. I miss him and the apartment still doesn't feel right with out him.

Since the vet is not far from my home town we decided to have lunch at Jake n Joes and then go food shopping at Market Basket.

My new favorite sangria

The food was good and the red sangria was even better. After lunch we braved Market Basket. We don't have a Market Basket near us and I'm still amazed at how much cheaper groceries are there. The only downside is how busy it is. This plaza didn't exist yet when I lived in Waltham which I'm a little bitter about. It's close to where I lived and would have provided more restaurant and shopping options.

Saturday night we went to Golden Temple for some dinner and dancing. Derek doesn't like to dance but there's beer to keep him entertained. The music was a little odd. There was a lot of lesser known 90s music and I'm pretty sure Despacito was played 3 times. I did get some dancing in though.

The dance floor at Golden Temple

The crowd is always interesting at Golden Temple. There was one guy who looked like he came straight out of an 80s hair band. He had acid washed jeans and one long earring. I used my cousin Lauren to try to get a picture.

Mysterious 80s hair band guy and Lauren

Our last stop was Washington Square Tavern. One of the guys at the bar said he used to work there and remembered me and Derek. I didn't quite remember him but I had had a few beers at that point. The bar was pretty dead which was nice after Golden Temple.

The rest of my long weekend will be a little more low key but I'll take the extra day off.

Staying calm

It looks like an offer was made on my grandmother's house and we're going to accept it. It's a little under what we asked but not by much. The house needs some updates so I'm not surprised. A developer made the offer and will most likely tear the house down and build two houses on the lot. It's a bit sad to imagine the house being demolished but the memories are what's important. It doesn't feel the same with my grandmother gone anyways.

On the front steps with my grandmother on Easter in the 80s

I'm doing my best to stay away from Facebook and social media as I realize that it's just causing me stress. I'm still checking in but not as frequently and I'm not clicking on any political related articles. I tend to be an anxious person and my stress level has been through the roof. I'm distracting myself by learning some Spanish and watching Netflix.

I've been watching Gilmore Girls from the beginning in preparation for the reboot on Netflix. If that's not a feel good show I don't know what is.

Next on my Netflix list is The Last Kingdom.

As a child Uhtred witnesses his father being killed by an invading Saxon army. He's kidnapped by the Saxon's and raised like one of their own. Years later his surrogate family is killed and Uhtred sets out to avenge their deaths and take back his homeland from his uncle. 

Sounds like some real happy uplifting stuff right? It's a nice escape at least and Alexander Dreymon sure isn't bad to look at.

Laid up

Yesterday we traveled up to Chelmsford for my cousin's daughter's first birthday. How are we old enough to be getting married and having children?

Kallie opening her gifts with mom and dad.

Kallie had a great time and my gift was a big hit. I got her a toy picnic basket with fake food that plays music. She was not pleased with how long it took for me to get the toy out of the packaging. Why do they make toys so difficult to open? There were at least four zip ties that I had to cut through. Once she had her toy in hand she was happy again.

Time for cake

Taking a selfie

I was feeling a little under the weather due to a few too many beers the night before. It was rough but I had no one to blame but myself. My aunt gave me some ginger ale to help settle my stomach and I think it might have set off my IC (interstitial cystitis). When I got home I had terrible pelvic pain and could feel everything spasming. It was so bad I was almost in tears. Ginger can be a trigger and I think this brand of ginger ale had a lot of concentrated ginger. I was supposed to meet up with friends in my home town on Saturday night but I had to cancel. I'm still upset about that but considering I couldn't move with out being in terrible pain I had no choice but to spend the night laid up on the couch.

Bosco has been keeping me company and Derek has been checking in with me to see if I need anything. What I really need is a new bladder. Hopefully the worst has passed.

Nurse kitty

Here's Kallie enjoying a picnic at 4 a.m. I'm sure mom was thrilled with the early picnic time. Take note blog readers; picnic baskets are big with one year old's.

Saying goodbye to my grandmother

It's been a bit of a crazy hectic week. My grandmother was rushed to the hospital Monday after my uncle couldn't wake her up. The doctor's said it was not looking good and that this was most likely the end for her. She had a major stroke a few years back and over the past few months she has been getting progressively worse. We knew it wouldn't be that much longer.

I left work early to go see her at the hospital. She was barely awake and very uncomfortable. The family decided to move her to hospice after speaking with the doctors. They took her off fluids and just tried to make her as comfortable as possible. I took Friday off of work to spend time with family. My brother flew up from Florida and did get to see her before she passed. I think she knew he was there. They slowly increased her morphine and the last few visits she was not awake at all. She passed this afternoon and I was told she did not suffer near the end.

I haven't cried but I have been in a terrible mood all day. Anxious and cranky and every little thing is getting on my nerves. I almost cried at the hospital but held it together. I know I will cry at the wake and funeral. When she first had her stroke I cried. She just wasn't the same and I hated seeing this once strong independent woman so dependent on others and unable to talk.

Many friends have reached out to check in and I appreciate that. Now we just have to get through the wake and funeral.

Back from Florida

It was a great trip. It was a HOT trip. I'm glad to be home but also miss my brother and his family.

I almost missed my flight down to Florida. My alarm did not go off and so I woke up a half hour after the cab was scheduled to pick me up. Full on Home Alone "WE SLEPT IN!" panic ensued and I finished packing in record time. 

Luckily I live in a city so it's pretty easy to call for another cab. My mother was freaking out at the airport waiting for me. We made the flight though and I didn't leave a child behind so it's all good.

Auntie Ginny introduced the kids to snapchat. Hunter and Caroline were both big fans.

I'm surprised Caroline didn't freak out. She's not a fan of masks, as in if anyone is wearing a mask she will yell "Noooooooooooo!" and run and hide, but apparently snapchat filters are ok.

Once the kids went to bed we'd watch movies. We watched Zootopia (pretty good for a kids movie), 10 Cloverfield Lane (my favorite movie of the trip), The Witch (meh, it was ok), Deadpool (already saw it but love it). I got my sister-in-law hooked on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix.

My brother and I may have had a little fun with the kid's toys once we got a few drinks in us. This was after the kids went to bed of course.

The heat was pretty brutal. I don't do well in really hot weather. Thank God for central air and AC.

Derek stayed home and I missed him when I was gone. I know, barf barf. It's nice to be home and sleep in my own bed again.

Let's go to Florida in July

My mom and I just booked our flights to visit my brother in July. It's cheaper to fly down in the summer but it's still an expensive flight due to having to fly into a teeny tiny airport. Luckily I was able to use points to cover a good chunk of the flight. Derek will stay home in Boston with Bosco and hold down the fort. 

All I can say is thank God my brother has central air. I'm a delicate flower in the heat, well that's if flowers got heat exhaustion easily.

The most painful part

So I was watching an episode of Nurse Jackie (which is a really good show by the way) and one of the characters lost his son to a drug overdose and at one point he says "The most painful part is when you realize the first thing you feel is relief".

I pretty much lost it. That sentence pretty much encompasses how I felt when my father died. He was an alcoholic and at that point he was mostly homeless. At 16 years old I was constantly worried about if he was ok. If it was winter, did he have a warm place to sleep? Even if it wasn't cold out, was he safe, did he have food to eat? He would never admit he had a problem. I even ran into him when I was volunteering at the hospital and he was checked into rehab. He pretended he didn't recognize me because he was too embarrassed. One time I saw him asleep on a bench outside the supermarket I worked at but I didn't go up to him because I knew he would be embarrassed and ashamed. I had to pretend like I didn't know him. None of my coworkers ever knew.

He was still in my life. He kept regular visits with my brother and I. He always showed up and I am grateful for that. He cared despite his addition. He would never drink when he was coming to see us which meant he was very shaky and had a tough time but he didn't want to be drunk when with his kids. He called us all the time and never forgot a birthday. It's strange to say but I had the best alcoholic father you could ask for. Never violent and very caring, he just couldn't stop drinking.

My father passed when I was 16. He died in his sleep in a graveyard and was found by a jogger in the morning. When my mother told me I cried of course but I felt guilty for the fact that my first thought was I don't have to worry anymore, he's at peace now. For years I felt horrible that that was my first thought, but as an adult I realize this is not uncommon. You're under so much stress and have so much anxiety because you care about this person and worry about them 24/7 and when they are actually gone you don't have to worry anymore. It might be hard to understand if you haven't experienced it but it's nice to see a fictional tv show actually get it right.

Well I think I might have over shared here but I felt the need to get it out.

Birthday party at Golden Temple

The E Room early in the evening. I prefer to call it the spaceship though. Later most of the tables are moved to make room for dancing.

Cousins! Alexis, myself and Lauren. I'm not drunk (that came later) just squinty from the flash.

DJ with CDs was replaced by DJ with bucket hat. I'm not sure if this is temporary or permanent. I will be sure to report back when I find out.

I wish I had more photos but I left my digital camera at home and my phone was dying. You'll just have to imagine me dancing my butt off.

Living in the moment even when the moment isn't too pleasant

It was a bit of a rough long weekend for me. I was invited up to Maine but I just couldn't deal with holiday traffic and I wanted to visit my grandmother who's not doing too well at the moment.

Bosco decided he didn't want to pee in his litter box anymore. Yes, the floor looked like a good place for him. So I was freaking out. Usually when a cat pees outside the box they are sick. Not my cat though. I put down puppy pee pads and he was at least using those to pee on. I noticed that he was still acting like himself and not straining to pee with barely anything coming out so I started to wonder if maybe he wasn't sick. I decided to get small litter box at the super market and see what happened. He started using it the second I put litter in it. My cat is a special snowflake who has decided he no longer wants to use his regular litter box.

Maybe the sides are too high, or he doesn't like the cover or maybe he doesn't like the color? You never know with cats. I have a new box being delivered by Petco tomorrow that is the same model as his old one that I had before we moved. The things we do for our pets. I can see Derek rolling his eyes at me now.

So I was on pee patrol this weekend and I also visited my grandmother. She had a major stroke about four years ago and a couple of bad seizures since then but she's held on for four years. My aunt told me that she really hasn't been doing well lately and is getting quite weak. I knew I had to see her soon, I didn't want to put it off and regret it. She was very happy to see me but she is weaker than the last time I saw her. She really doesn't want to eat much and refused food when I was there. We're not going to force feed her. I did get to see some of her high school year book which was nice. I loved seeing her senior picture.

She just had this look when she looked at me like she knows she doesn't have much time and this could be the last time we see each other. I just want her to go peacefully and to not be suffering anymore.

Aging is scary to me. Not that I'm afraid of losing my looks but just losing your ability to take care of yourself and not being able to use your body like you once could. God that's terrifying. I hate being dependent on others. I try not to think about that too much and live in the moment even if the moment currently isn't too pleasant.

Back from the wilds of Florida with some big news

I have returned from the wilds of the Florida Panhandle. I got to spend some much needed time with my brother and his family before he deploys to the U.A.E. Hunter and Caroline are the cutest kids in my book but I might be biased.

Florida takes some adjusting to for this Northern city girl. Trash needs to be locked up in bear proof trash bins due to bears on base. Someone should tell the bears that the trash cans are bear proof. They still manage to rip them open. My sister in law ran out the front door to chase one away. My mother almost had a heart attack. My nephew was yelling "Bad bear! You broke my chalk!" The chalk was the only bear casualty as it got knocked over with the trash bin.

Food shopping at Walmart seems strange to me but that's where everyone does their food shopping there. You can buy your gallon of mayonnaise and ranch dressing and then buy a pair of stretchy pants all in the same place. I made sure to text Derek a picture of the tub of mayo as he despises it. I like mayo but even I was grossed out by the size.

We had a surprise birthday party for my brother. His birthday isn't until the end of August but since we won't be there for that we threw the party early. The theme was "white trash". My mother declared that she didn't have any white trash clothing. She's not lying, she really doesn't. I happened to have an animal print dress that got the job done.

There were kids everywhere and I was quite popular with them. This is Danika. She told me that I should have more legs so more kids could sit on my lap. I will look into that and see what I can do.

After the kids went to bed we played Cards Against Humanity. It was my first time playing and it's a pretty entertaining game. It's similar to Apples to Apples but more on the inappropriate side. I'm all about being inappropriate so clearly this game was meant for me.

The names of businesses in Florida are highly entertaining. You could go to Coyote's Bar or the Landing Strip for drinks. We did not because of the kids but I was tempted. I love dive bars. My favorite tattoo place was called "Mild II Wild". There was also Peggy Sue's hair salon which would probably be a good place for a perm. I did see a coffee shop that confused me a bit.

I googled the name and I think the owners must be big Jimmy Buffett fans. What a strange name for a coffee shop.

AND last but not least, I have some news to share. Derek and I are engaged.

He proposed last night in the living room. He called me over to his desk to look at something and so I'm thinking the cat got sick on his expensive keyboard. I'm looking all over the desk trying to see what he's talking about and then when I turn around he was on one knee proposing. His parents gave him the diamond when we went out to dinner before I left to visit my brother. He actually had me carry it around! I thought it was just old bills they brought. Derek finds this hilarious. He had the diamond set when I was in Florida. I was completely surprised and I don't think it's really sunk in yet! We haven't picked a date yet and everyone seems to be asking about plans and as of right now we haven't started planning. I mean I'm still kind of in shock.

I swear this will not turn into a wedding planning blog. I would never make you suffer through that. 

Bad luck always comes in threes

I really wish the universe would give my mother a break. First she had to put her boyfriend's dog to sleep after he bit the dog sitter. When Tony was in the hospital they had to put Sam the dog with his sitter due to his aggression towards my mother when Tony was not around. Even though the sitter agreed to continue to watch Sam my mother and Tony did not feel it was right to have her do that and risk being bitten again. My mother felt horrible about this. Tony passed not long after Sam was put down. He never made it back home from the hospital. Tony and Sam's ashes were mixed together which I know Tony would have been happy about. He loved his dog. 

After Tony passed I brought Mr. Binx back to live with my mother. He was her cat and I took him in when she and Tony first moved in together due to Mr. Binx and Sam not getting along. Not long after Mr. Binx was back with my mom it was discovered during a routine checkup that he has a hernia pushing on his heart and lungs. He is doing ok and probably has had it for a long time but they are recommending surgery to repair it. My mother is trying to save as much money as she can to move since the house was Tony's. This surgery will cost thousands but the results are usually good. She can't lose her cat now after all of this.

I wish I could help more financially but she is having a yard sale this weekend and I plan on bringing some stuff for her to sell that she can put towards Mr. Binx. I was also considering a crowd funding page but I'm sure there are many other people who need help with their pet's medical needs. I also don't know if she would be upset with me asking for donations. Hopefully the stuff I sell can contribute something to the bill.

Now what is the third thing you might be wondering? Well my aunt was diagnosed with cancer around the same time Tony went into the hospital. My aunt is currently in the hospital for a few weeks trying a new treatment as the last one did not work. So I'm counting that as the third thing universe. Enough already!

So if you have a moment maybe direct some positive thoughts my mom's way. I think she could use it.

Phantom Confusion

My co-worker Lilly was very upset yesterday because she thought she was going to a Phantom Gourmet beach party when she actually was going to Phantom of the Opera the musical. Kerri and I sang a few songs from Phantom for her. I don't think we convinced her to go. I love my co-workers. I tweeted about this and one of the Andelman brothers (the brains behind the Phantom Gourmet) tweeted at me with "best tweet ever!"

Last night Derek and I spent the night at my mother's house. She's doing ok but I still worry about her. I don't think it's fully sunk in yet that Tony is gone. She said she wanted a full house to keep her distracted and a full house she got. Derek got to experience first hand the toddler tornado that is my nephew Hunter and the "banshee wail" of my niece Caroline. We woke up at 5 in the morning with our butts on the ground. Our air mattress had deflated during the night *whomp whomp*

Camping is postponed until tomorrow. Hurricane Arthur is currently soaking Boston and I'm glad I'm not floating in a pool of water in my tent.

For Tony

My mother's boyfriend passed away last night in hospice. I can't really find the right words right now so I'm just going to post this poem instead.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Godzilla nephew vs. kitty cats

Here's a regular blog post for you if you're tired of all the photos.

I've been spending a lot of time with family which has been wonderful. My nephew and niece are both adorable little humans and I love them. My nephew went nuts when he saw my cats. Bosco was like "nope" and ran and hid. Mr. Binx just kept running back and forth and Hunter thought this was the best game ever. I think my cats had a very Godzilla like experience.

I started watching Nurse Jackie and I've been binge watching episodes. Why didn't anyone tell me this show was so good?!

I think I found my summer jam. Chromeo knows how to get my foot tapping. That sentence sounds really lame typed out but it's true.

Not the video I was expecting but still fun. I picture videos in my head for songs I really like. Am I the only one who does that?

I'll try to post more normal blog posts again soon. In the mean time I hope you don't mind the photos too much.

Shrimp Boil

My Uncle Scott had a shrimp boil at his house today. He lives on a cute little pond. My niece spit up on me so I guess I am officially christened "auntie".

My brother and nephew out in the boat.

I ate a lot.....

Through the memories of others

"You know you father loved to do crossword puzzles." My mother says to me as we're working on a puzzle (of the non crossword variety).

"Really I had no idea?"

"Oh yes, we would do them together on vacation. He really liked doing them."

It hit me that I really don't know much about who my father was as a person. I was sixteen when he died and although I saw him regularly I still couldn't tell you what his favorite food was. I certainly didn't know he liked to do crosswords. It makes me sad that I don't remember him before his alcoholism consumed him.

I do have good memories of my father but they are memories of a child. There are things I would love to talk to him about now that I wouldn't have thought to talk about at sixteen.

I love when my my family tells me little stories about my father. My uncle Paul told me that he loved to run and was the nicest guy to everyone he met. My uncle Franny told me that he would sleepwalk and use the shade from the window as a blanket. My Aunt Maggie told me how my father stood up to her ex-husband who wouldn't leave her alone. My mother has shared quite a few good memories of my father, too many to list here.

Through the memories of others I feel like I continue to learn about my father even though he's gone.

Pizza will make everything better

Maya Angelou passed away today. What an amazing and brilliant woman. I wish I had an ounce of her talent and wisdom. Reading about everything she has done is just incredible. I've been meaning to read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings for a while now. I should move that to the top of my reading list.

My mother's boyfriend is doing better today. I went to visit last night but he only woke up for a minute or two. This morning he was more awake and his fever is down. Many of my friends have reached out to express their concern and I appreciate that. I am lucky in the friends and family department.

We have a new assistant starting at work tomorrow. Hold on to your hat new guy because you're going to hit the ground running. I just want to be able to catch up on my work. I swear my computer is out to ruin me. I almost had a break down when the bates stamping program wasn't working properly today.

It's all good guys because tonight I'm having pizza with the newly returned Melissa. Pizza and friends makes everything better. I've never been to this pizza place but they seem to have quite a few white pizza options which is great for this poor girl with the esophagus of an eighty year old.

Feeling helpless

I received some bad news this morning. My mother’s boyfriend is in the ICU. He came home from the hospital on Saturday and unfortunately he is now back in the hospital.

I’ve spoken with my mother over the phone and through text and I feel horrible not being able to do anything. All I can do is listen and tell her that I’m sorry this is happening. Her boyfriend is not awake at the moment so I hope that at least he is not in pain.

I hoping for the best, which is all I can do at this point.

And I only broke two nails

Yesterday was a fairly lazy Saturday. I got up for a bit and then took a nap. After my nap I headed over to AutoZone to get some new wiper blades for my car. I managed to only break two nails trying to get the old blades off. I considered getting Derek for help but managed to get it done myself.

After taking care of my broken thumb nails we headed over to Sunset for dinner. Fiona and her roommate met up with us after we ate since they were across the street experiencing the deliciousness of BonChon for the first time.

Fiona's roommate Katie ordered a drink called the Rum Jungle. I believe it contained coconut rum, pineapple juice, pomegranate juice and ginger ale.

Katie trying to listen to a song and drink the Rum Jungle.

Fiona and I decided to order our own Rum Jungles. The first round of drinks was missing pineapple juice so we sent it back, which I hate to do, but it came out much better the second time.

Fiona and I showed off our cherry stem tying skills.

We had a fun time and I'm proud to say my cherry stem tying skills are improving.

My stealth photography skills at work. Derek never knows when I take a photo of him until it goes up on the blog.

This morning Derek and I visited my mom's boyfriend Tony who is in the hospital after back surgery. He seems to be doing good. Some of his old work friends stopped by and were pretty funny cracking jokes and making all of us laugh. I really hope the back surgery helps him.

Monica was up in Maine for the weekend with a friend but she comes back tonight. I'm making her a classic Ginny dish which Derek won't eat - homemade mac and cheese. Who doesn't like mac and cheese? Crazy people I tell you.

Arrivals

Yesterday my family got a little bigger with the birth of my niece Caroline Jane.

She's so cute, I can't stand it.

My brother was working very hard waiting for baby Caroline to arrive.

According to him he can play Candy Crush in his sleep.

Mom and baby are doing great. I wish I could have been there to meet baby Caroline and see her big brother Hunter. I miss having my brother nearby. A visit will be planned soon though.

Another arrival yesterday was my friend Monica who is visiting from Colorado. Monica and I have been friends since high school. We met online through a message board I used to run. I haven't seen her since 2007 so a visit was long overdue.

After a little confusion on the T Monica made it from the airport to my work. Boston public transit can be confusing if you're not familiar with it. I let her decide what she wanted to do for the night and she decided we should play trivia at a local bar. Monica is a big fan of trivia and is way better than I am. I didn't do too bad on a category about painters while Derek did pretty good with ancient Greece.

Monica won a free beer and a magnetic bumper sticker.

We didn't come in first but we didn't do too bad either. After trivia Monica wanted to check out the beer selection at Sunset after Derek and I told her about their massive beer list. She's a big fan of sour beers and I knew Sunset would have a few different options to try. I stuck to one of my favorites, Raspberry UFO. I'm not a fan of sour beers and confirmed this was still true after trying a sip of hers.

Here we are at Sunset last night.

Here we are 7 years ago in Kansas.