A cooking challenge

I admit that I'm a bit of a lazy cook. I prefer quick and easy and don't experiment too much. This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy food cooked by others. I love to eat, especially if someone else has done the cooking. If only I could afford a personal chef.

Derek has been encouraging me to be a little more adventurous in the kitchen and I agreed to at least give it a try. The first dish I decided to attempt was a copycat of P.F. Chang's chicken lettuce wraps. I followed the recipe but used less vinegar and didn't add the Sriracha sauce. The sauce came out way too strong. All I could taste was the hoisin sauce and I don't think it needed any vinegar at all. Derek and I still ate it but it wasn't the best. At least I tried right? It would be so much easier if I could just eat pasta for dinner every night.

I'm currently searching for what I'll try next. Derek is probably stocking up on chicken patties just in case it doesn't turn out so well. At least my baking skills are quite good, so cookies for dinner anyone?

A toad in the city

I was walking to work today and noticed something moving across the sidewalk. I looked closer and it was a little toad! I have no idea how he got on a very busy Boston sidewalk but I couldn't leave him there. I picked him up and carried him down the street to where there were some plants and dirt and put him down there. I hope he's ok. He was so tiny and very much not where he should have been, poor little guy.

Listen to the fortune cookie

Patience is a virtue that does not come easily for me. When I'm waiting for something to happen I become anxious and focus all my thoughts on waiting. In the mean time life keeps happening around me and I feel like I can't continue until what I'm waiting for happens. Sounds fun right?

Last week when I was waiting for test results I was consumed by the waiting. I was eating Chinese food and opened up a fortune cookie. My "learn Chinese" word was dĕng - to wait. Even my cookie was telling my to calm down. I saved the fortune and taped it to my computer at work. Sometimes the universe is good at giving you just the little nudge you needed.

Get dirty and be happy

This weekend was a beautiful reminder of how great life can be. Spending time with friends, drinking champagne in a lake, staying up all night laughing, forgetting where you left your shoes because you don't need them, snuggles with a cute pup, fireworks, a candle lit path in the woods, new inside jokes, painting on the beach, being covered in dirt and sand and not giving a damn. Any little worry I had floated away in the lake. Nature is better than any drug.

You probably don't need a prenup

The law firm I work for mostly handles divorce cases but we also do prenuptial agreements. We like to be a one stop shop (kidding, but not really because it has happened). What most people don't realize is that you probably don't need a prenup.

I can usually tell right off that bat if someone doesn't need a prenup.

"Yes hi, I need a prenup because I want to protect my pog collection after I get married."

No you do not need a prenup for you stupid collection or your stereo or your truck that is ten years old. Since I'm not an attorney I can't and don't tell them that they don't need a prenup, I pass the call along to one of the attorneys and let them tell them.

The other call we get is the person who did their prenup online and now want an attorney to look it over. This is like trying to give yourself stitches and then going to a doctor and asking them if you did a good job. No, that shit is going to get infected because you didn't know what you were doing! Do not use online legal software. Go to a professional to draft a prenup. Lawyers go to school for years to learn how to do it properly.

Then there's the person who complains about the cost. "Well I can't afford that." If you can't afford an attorney for a prenup you probably don't need a prenup.

This is not legal advice this is just common sense. Prenups are not for everyone or everyone would have them. Also no one is going to try to take your pog collection, the 90s are over!

*I'm kidding about the pog collection, that's just the first thing that popped into my head when thinking about collections. Don't ask.....

I can't even explain

The amount of anxiety I've felt this week was suffocating. I'm not exaggerating here. I have felt sick to my stomach for almost a week. I got test results back today that were so good I could have gotten down on my knees and started weeping. Basically I was a nervous wreck over nothing but it could have been something hence the full on freak out. But that's how I roll. I am extremely anxious and over analyze everything to death. I feel like I can finally breathe again.

A big giant thank you to my doctor's office for getting the test results back so quick. I'm sure my doctor could tell I was about to throw myself off a bridge and was like "get this shit done asap!"

There is some party happening on my street as I type this. I can hear little 21-year-old babies drunkenly yelling. For once I'm not annoyed, I want to drunkenly yell with them too.

I'm just very thankful right now and so glad that it all worked out well in the end.

*Don't ask me what the test was for, there's some shit I keep personal even though I blog and no it does not involve being pregnant and no it was not an STD test.

Don't do it Lucy!

I've started reading the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and I'm a bit concerned.

When Lucy discovers Narnia the first person she meets is a faun named Mr. Tumnus. Mr. Tumnus is wearing no shirt, a red scarf and carrying parcels. He invites Lucy back to his cave for tea, toast, sardines and cake. I don't think the sardines sound very tempting but to each his own.

Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger! Apparently Lucy never learned the danger of going to a strangers' house. I especially would be weary of a stranger in the woods with no shirt on offering sardines and cake. Luckily for Lucy Mr. Tumnus feels guilty for luring her into a trap and lets her go. I mean this is a children's book guys!

I never leave my mother's empty handed

Whenever I come back from my mother's house she always sends me home with a ton of stuff. This time I took home earrings, a crocheted blanket, Star Wars pins, a cute cat tin, a journal with an inscription from 1983, ant traps, a workout DVD, a Rolling Stones hat, hand painted coasters and a tote bag. I'm probably forgetting something but that's a lot of stuff.

We had dinner at a really good Chinese restaurant near her house. She said we were only going to have one glass of wine but the two times I went to the bathroom another glass magically appeared. How did that happen mom?

I can't tell if Bosco misses Mr. Binx or if he's thrilled to have me all to himself. He has been attached to me like a barnacle all day.

Here's the note from the journal if you're curious. What an odd inscription.

Black and white and very cute

Mr. Binx goes back to his real cat mother today who also happens to by my real human mother. We have been spending some quality time together before I drop him off at my mother's. What are we doing you may wonder? Well, we are playing with toy mice and hair ties (one of his favorites) and walking around the apartment together remembering the good times we've had. We took a little break where I typed this blog post and Mr. Binx rubbed on the corner of my laptop. Classic Ginny and Mr. Binx. I'll still see him when I visit my mother.

My property management company things I have just one cat and now this is true. Although I didn't exactly lie on my application. They asked me to describe my cat and I wrote "black and white and very cute". It's the truth!

On the struggle bus

I am definitely on the struggle bus today. I put my sunglasses on and trudged to the T to get to work. I got on the train and walked right past my friend Fiona. She was on the struggle bus too. I hope people thought we were just really cool gals who wear our sunglasses on the T all the time.

If you're wondering what the struggle bus is, let me drop some knowledge on you via Urban Dictionary.

The state of doing anything simple and struggling an inordinate amount with it. Tends to happen after a long period of time without sleep.

"Wow, I'm really riding the struggle bus today."

A lesson in sensitivity

People really should stop and think for a moment before they speak. My mother's boyfriend recently passed away so I check in on her every day to see how she's doing. She is doing ok but my blood started to boil when she mentioned some of the things people have said to her.

Someone left my mother a voicemail the other morning checking to make sure she wasn't lying in bed all day (she wasn't) and said that she needs to move on with her life. Her boyfriend just passed away, do not tell her she needs to move on with her life. How about you just say you're checking in to see how she's doing?

Another person asked my mother if she plans on dating again. It's been two weeks! She is still grieving.

I know both of the people who said these things and I know their intentions were good, they just weren't thinking about what they were saying.

I won't even get into the woman who asked about the funeral arrangements while he was still alive. 

Hello, McFly?! Do not ask about funeral arrangements for someone who is still alive. Although my mother's response was great. "Why don't you go plan your own funeral!"

You say mojito I say TEQUILA or actually no there is no tequila here

Derek and I decided to have a nice dinner and enjoy a mojito or two last night at Eastern Standard. They have very good cocktails and very good french fries but I say no to you french fries! You are not doing my waistline any favors! Instead I went with green beans with almonds as my side.

Well this post is not about green beans it's about drinks. We finished our first round of mojitios and decided we should have one more before we headed home. The waitress suggest that maybe we'd like to try an Old Cuban. I said YES and Derek said hello no!

Thankfully my drink did not taste like cigars and socialism.

Derek refused an old Cuban because he claims it has tequila in it. I say NAY good sir it has agave nectar which is a sweetener, it does not have tequila. So blah blah blah tequila is made from distilled agave. That totally doesn't count! I also looked up the recipe for an Old Cuban and it does not require tequila it just requires simple syrup so basically I win. I also win because this is my blog and I'm in control of the keyboard.

So anyways on my way home I started thinking about this blog post and I was laughing in my head because I'm very entertaining once I get an Old Cuban in me. I got home and decided I wanted to watch the Bachelorette like a man, so I drank an IPA or two and then grew massive amounts of chest hair. It did not make the Bachelorette any less girly but did remind me that I really don't like IPAs that much.

So yea this blog post doesn't really have much of a point except that Old Cuban's are delicious and if you go around saying that to people make sure you clarify that you're referring to the drink and not some wrinkly old dude smoking a cigar.

I will spice these ants to death because the internet doesn't lie

We're having an ant situation in the kitchen. Those annoying little fuckers keep stealing the cat food. They're big black ones that can cart the cat food off to wherever they're coming from. The cats of course do nothing about this.

I've been afraid to buy ant traps because of the cats so I was looking up pet friendly ant solutions. The internet suggested that I try using chalk because the ants won't cross the chalk lines. This seems ridiculous and I can't draw. Another solution suggested was cinnamon. Apparently ants don't like the smell. I decided to go with the cinnamon option. Derek asked me what I was doing, I told him to trust me I was fighting ants with spices!

It did seem to work for a day or two but yesterday I saw one heading towards the cat dish. I tried to get him with a paper towel but he crawled under the dish. I lifted the dish up and he was nowhere to be found. I'm looking all over the floor and the plate and nothing. These aren't regular ants, they are mother fucking ninjas ants!

*Seems about right.

I can't figure out where ninja ant went so I put the plate down and start to back up slowly doing one last sweep of the floor. Then I feel something on my arm. The ninja ant had gone one place I didn't think to look, on me. I quickly brushed him off and told the cats to "go get him!" I'm sure you can guess how that went over. I disposed of ninja ant myself because my cats are useless. I think it's time to get regular ant traps.

*this is an actual game you can download for your phone. I really like the ant in the background with the bomb and cool visor glasses.

HD Vision Night Vision miracle working glasses

I was out getting my drank on last night when this infomercial came on the tv in the bar. Obviously I made Derek watch too because I needed someone else to see this awesomeness.

I don't wear glasses so I have some very important questions. Are you guys all driving around not being able to see anything at all? I mean the people in this infomercial are all like "I was so scared to drive at night because I couldn't see anything and now with these very fashionable glasses I have x-ray vision!" or something like that. The before and after view is kind of scary. That's not glare, that's you need a stronger prescription for your glasses. No worries though, these HD Vision Night Vision Wraparound glasses will solve your vision problems and give you your life back.

I will say meemaw looks so happy to have her vision back. It brought a little tear to my eye.

My name is Ginny and I'm an oversharer

I'm a big oversharer. I mean I have a blog so I think you probably knew that but you may not know how bad the situation really is.

Yesterday I was cleaning out my desk and found some old medical records of mine. I had them sent to my office after my pediatrician was busted for writing too many Oxy prescriptions. I found pictures of my bladder from a cystoscopy I had done a long time ago. One of my co-workers likes looking at that kind of stuff so I called her over to show her.

Me: Hey want to see the inside of my bladder?

Co-worker: Of course!

Me: *shows co-worker picture while boss walks by*

Boss: What is that!?

Me: Um my bladder.

Boss: You guys are really weird.

Unfortunately this is not the first or last time that this will happen. I just can't help myself. I guess it could be worse. I could be exploiting my children on a blog for money and sponsorships instead I'm just showing co-workers pictures of my bladder

Macarena Stadium

"You skin is as thick as toilet paper."

It's true. I am a sensitive Sally. Keep that in mind and always say nice things about me.

I am getting my hair cut today so I shall no longer look like the girl from the ring. I always think I want longer hair and then when it starts getting long I'm like "what do I do with all of this?" I'm not cutting it short. My boyfriend can breathe a sigh of relief.

Can this soccer crap be over now? I find it funny how many people suddenly care about soccer. I also find it funny that I keep reading Maracana Stadium as Macarena Stadium. HEY MACARENA! AHAI!

In the United States, the song, and its corresponding Macarena dance, became popular during the same week as the 1996 Democratic National Convention. The song was frequently played between activities, and large groups of delegates and other attendants would be seen doing the Macarena dance. The song and dance became such a part of the convention that Vice President Al Gore, having a reputation for stiffness, made a joke about doing the Macarena dance during his speech. He said, "I would like to demonstrate for you the Al Gore version of the Macarena", then remained motionless for a few seconds, and eventually asked, "Would you like to see it again?"

I'm picturing this in my head and laughing my ass off.

A PSA about dick pix

Apparently this needs to be said because it's still happening.

No one wants to see your dick pix. I have never once in my life met a woman who was thrilled about receiving an unsolicited picture of your private bits. Do you go up to a woman in a bar and say "hey there" and then drop your pants? NO! It's inappropriate in person and on the internet.

No woman is going to be impressed. No woman is going to want to sleep with you for sending a dick pic. In fact she's probably telling all her friends about what an idiot you are. In fact she may also send it to your mother because I'm sure she didn't raise you that way.

So just STOP. Stop making a fool out of yourself and stop treating woman like crap because that's what you're doing. Stop getting mad when a woman calls you out on sending pictures that she does not want. STOP.

*No I am not using online dating at the moment because I have a boyfriend who I met online and did not send me a dick pic. I'm very glad Tinder was not around two years ago because I probably would have lost all faith in online dating.

And I am O-U-T

*drops mic*

My co-workers

I really have some of the best co-workers. I laughed many times today and my Blind Pierre impression was recognized and appreciated. I know that a few of them read this blog so cheers to you *raises glass*. You keep me sane, make me laugh and make me feel good about myself and to that I thank you.

Bethany Townsend's bikini photo goes viral for a good reason

Twenty-three year old aspiring model Bethany Townsend suffers from Chron's disease and took a photo of herself on vacation with her colostomy bag. The photo has now gone viral and other Chron's sufferers are coming forward and posting their own photos with their colostomy bag.

Photo by Bethany Townsend

From the Daily Mail:

Bethany Townsend's photo shows the 23-year-old on holiday with two of her colostomy bags visible. The image of Townsend, published on June 21, has been seen by millions - and she was so overwhelmed by the response that she now feels confident enough to pursue modeling.  

Though Townsend's photo has been seen by people all over the world, she is not the first person to take such an image - both male and female patients living with Crohn's disease, as well as those with ulcerative colitis, have taken selfies showing their stomachs, scars and bags and shared them on Facebook. 

Townsend herself has noted others before her have taken colostomy bag bikini selfies.

'When you're on holiday you're in a bit of a bubble and it's much different to when you're back at home,' she said in an interview with Caters. 

'I'd posted a few pictures to Instagram and Facebook but only my friends could see them. 'But after looking on the Internet I saw a few other pictures of girls like me showing off their bags so I thought, why not. I sent [Crohn's and Colitis UK] the picture and my information, and it all blew up from there.'

Bethany and others with a colostomy bag shouldn't be ashamed and I'm glad that Bethany's photo went viral. Social media can be good guys! If you read Bethany's story she's gone through so much and is really an inspiration. I'd rather read stories like this than whatever the Kardashians are doing.

Are you smart enough to get into a private Kindergarten?

DNAinfo New York has a quiz to see if you're smarter than a 4-year-old.

Some of the city's most elite private schools will soon require 4-year-olds to take a new, harder admissions test given on an iPad and designed to assess math and literacy skills.

The test is less subjective than the old way of testing which had a tester.

"For example, if the question stated 'What is a mouse?' and the kid answered 'animal,' he or she would get 1 point. If the kid said 'a gray animal that is small, has a tail and likes to eat cheese,' the kid would get the full 2 points," Doruk explained.  

If a child just said "animal," the tester would reply, "Tell me more," giving the child another chance to earn the full 2 points, Doruk said.

I can't imagine most 4-year-olds being able to pass this test but then again this is for admission to an elite kindergarten. Good thing I went to public school.

If you're wondering how I did on the quiz I scored a 4 out of 5. Try the quiz here.

Nature's wake up call

I'm back from camping. I smell like bug spray, sunscreen and campfire. There were tiny little toads everywhere probably from all the rain. I walked around carefully so I wouldn't step on them. They were about the size my fingernail.

There was a crazy bird this morning that woke me up in my tent. I have no idea what kind of bird it was but I swear it was right over my tent and was making the most obnoxious bird noises. I actually said out loud "Are you serious right now bird?!" The bird eventually moved somewhere else. Thank you bird.

I think it might be nap time but first I'd like to leave you with a photo of me from 1994 last night.

*conks out on keyboard*

Phantom Confusion

My co-worker Lilly was very upset yesterday because she thought she was going to a Phantom Gourmet beach party when she actually was going to Phantom of the Opera the musical. Kerri and I sang a few songs from Phantom for her. I don't think we convinced her to go. I love my co-workers. I tweeted about this and one of the Andelman brothers (the brains behind the Phantom Gourmet) tweeted at me with "best tweet ever!"

Last night Derek and I spent the night at my mother's house. She's doing ok but I still worry about her. I don't think it's fully sunk in yet that Tony is gone. She said she wanted a full house to keep her distracted and a full house she got. Derek got to experience first hand the toddler tornado that is my nephew Hunter and the "banshee wail" of my niece Caroline. We woke up at 5 in the morning with our butts on the ground. Our air mattress had deflated during the night *whomp whomp*

Camping is postponed until tomorrow. Hurricane Arthur is currently soaking Boston and I'm glad I'm not floating in a pool of water in my tent.

For Tony

My mother's boyfriend passed away last night in hospice. I can't really find the right words right now so I'm just going to post this poem instead.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

If I could turn back time I'd kick you in the balls

When I was 21 I went to the best and worst house party of my young adult life. It was my friend Chris’ birthday and we were going to Allston to celebrate in someone’s shitty apartment. I found a spot on a sagging couch and listened to reggae while people smoked hookah. Everyone was nice and we were having a good time. At some point my friend Chris got hungry so we wandered outside and found a crappy BBQ place to grab some food. We made friends with some other late night diners and then headed back up to the party.

I followed Chris into someone’s bedroom when we got back and there were a few people doing coke so I left the room. I’ve never been into drugs and didn’t want to be around it. Chris was not doing any drugs either and asked if I wanted to go. I told him I would be fine I just didn’t want to hang out in that room. I started walking back to the living room when I feel someone grab my arm. There’s a guy I don’t recognize standing in the bathroom doorway.

“Hey, what’s your name?” I can tell he’s wasted.

“Ginny.”

“Wanna give me a blow job?”

“No.”

“Oh come on it won’t take long.”

“No, I’m not giving you a blow job!”

“Oh come on!”

At this point he starts trying to pull me into the bathroom. I keep telling him no but he’s drunk and doesn’t care. I see a girl walk by and ask her to help me. She pulls me away and yells at the guy.

“Hey! Who are you?”

He doesn’t answer her. She asks him again.

“Who do you know here?” 

“Oh a friend invited me.”

He’s still standing in the bathroom door.

“Which friend?”

“You don’t know him.”

Turning to me the girl says “I’m going to find my friend who lives here.”

I follow the girl into the bedroom I had left and she tells her friend that there’s some guy being a creep and she doesn’t know who he is. The guy gets up and we all follow him to the bathroom where the drunk guy is still standing.

“Who do you know here?”

“Um we came up the fire escape.”

“Get the fuck out before I call the cops.”

Obviously he wasn’t going to call the cops but drunk guy takes the threat seriously. He rounds up his two other friends who also crashed the party and they leave. Chris is stranding in the hall with us and asks me what happened. When I tell him he feels horrible.

“I’m so sorry if I had known I wouldn’t have left you alone.”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to babysit me. It’s not your fault.”

If I could turn back time I would have kicked that guy right in the balls. He probably doesn’t remember this incident but he most definitely would have if I kicked him in the balls.

We stayed at the party until the sun came up and it wasn’t a party anymore. The few people that were left had just lost track of time while talking. I drove Chris home around 6 in the morning. He turned to me before he got out of my car and said, “I hope you had a good time despite what happened”. I told him I did and I meant it.

Godzilla nephew vs. kitty cats

Here's a regular blog post for you if you're tired of all the photos.

I've been spending a lot of time with family which has been wonderful. My nephew and niece are both adorable little humans and I love them. My nephew went nuts when he saw my cats. Bosco was like "nope" and ran and hid. Mr. Binx just kept running back and forth and Hunter thought this was the best game ever. I think my cats had a very Godzilla like experience.

I started watching Nurse Jackie and I've been binge watching episodes. Why didn't anyone tell me this show was so good?!

I think I found my summer jam. Chromeo knows how to get my foot tapping. That sentence sounds really lame typed out but it's true.

Not the video I was expecting but still fun. I picture videos in my head for songs I really like. Am I the only one who does that?

I'll try to post more normal blog posts again soon. In the mean time I hope you don't mind the photos too much.